I've been away from blogging for a little while- living. Writing other things.
I miss it though. Maybe it's the writer's need to record, to commit to words what really only has meaning apart from language. Maybe if I could draw or paint, I would have a better time of it- but instead I write.
A week in a log cabin, time at my parents house, Christmas with my girl, a grandfather sick and in pain. A wedding date and venue set. Too much is wonderful, too much is terrible. How to verbalise these things? And yet I need to write.
I started simply- a feature about a lesbian choir starting in Cardiff. A look at the rituals of a shift in ITU. A piece about the log cabin and the nature that surrounds it.
Maybe blogging is too much right now? Maybe all the rage I feel about starting 2012 the same way I started 2011, with a dying grandparent just can't be expressed and so maybe I just need to write about other stuff. Maybe I'll share my work here or maybe I'll try and get some of it published.
I need to earn some money for the wedding. I need to find out if I'm a good enough writer for earning an income that way. I've invested in a course to help me develop and now I just need to find time to study it!
I'll carry on blogging intermittently. I find it by turns therapeutic and exhausting. I think the therapy outweighs the fatigue, so I guess my answer is there. I'm too verbose for the trend to microblogging. I'm too long winded for tweeting. A Facebook status is not the place for an in depth discussion of my feelings, not least because my mother can read it.
Viva la blog. Or something...
Saturday, 14 January 2012
Friday, 2 December 2011
Sore
My back, legs, arms and feet hurt after today's very long shift.
A better day tomorrow, I hope.
For now, have a Nessie made from Lego.
A better day tomorrow, I hope.
For now, have a Nessie made from Lego.
Thursday, 1 December 2011
Goo
My engagement ring was ordered today.
I'm quite emotional about it... can't wait to wear it and show the world how much my beautiful girl means to me, that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with her. She's my world. I can't wait :-D
I may possibly be a little gooey today.
I'm quite emotional about it... can't wait to wear it and show the world how much my beautiful girl means to me, that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with her. She's my world. I can't wait :-D
My ring. I just can't wait to wear it <3
I may possibly be a little gooey today.
Tuesday, 29 November 2011
On dieting
I'm a compulsive dieter.
I always want to lose weight, but never seem to succeed.
So of course, I'm trying again.
Cambridge diet, here we come... next week. Gotta get my GP to agree first, which would be easy, except that I'm working most days between now and next tuesday. Fingers crossed.
I always want to lose weight, but never seem to succeed.
So of course, I'm trying again.
Cambridge diet, here we come... next week. Gotta get my GP to agree first, which would be easy, except that I'm working most days between now and next tuesday. Fingers crossed.
This is me (and my dog) on my thirtieth birthday earlier this year. You can see what I'm talking about, I think!
Monday, 28 November 2011
A Star is Born?
I love singing in Serenity Female Voice Choir.
I didn't sign up to dance though, and am finding it something of a struggle. It makes me very sad to have to feel so rubbish about performing in a choir I love singing in so much.
I didn't enjoy Revelation Rock-Gospel Choirs rehearsals nearly as much, but I always felt much more at ease about the performance despite being much less certain of what I was meant to sing.
Hmm.
</less happy post>
I didn't sign up to dance though, and am finding it something of a struggle. It makes me very sad to have to feel so rubbish about performing in a choir I love singing in so much.
I didn't enjoy Revelation Rock-Gospel Choirs rehearsals nearly as much, but I always felt much more at ease about the performance despite being much less certain of what I was meant to sing.
Hmm.
Have a photo of Rev, since I don't have any of Serenity yet!
</less happy post>
A Born-Again Wife's First Lesbian Kiss
(by Mary Diane Hausman- not by me!)
The first time I kissed my best friend
fireworks went off.
Really. I heard them.
Years of pent up repressions
plus weeks of mounting tension
let loose in one firecracker moment.
In my mind grew the image
of my head blowing off.
Our lips forced together
by some magnetic pull,
one set of curved flesh toward the other,
the force of two struggling hearts
below those lips, little bird hearts
beating quickly, quickly,
wanting to explode.
The kiss was soft and knowing.
Our lips knew where to go.
The kiss was hard and had a punch.
The punch of forbidden fruit.
That, if-you-do-you'll-go-to-hell-
but-if-you-don't-you'll-die-
so-what's-the-difference
kind of punch.
Right in the mouth.
When we were able to pull our faces
away from each other,
to look at what we had done,
the fire was unbearable.
The fire in her blue eyes,
the fire on her cheeks;
the air, and our breath
fanned the flames on our faces
and caught fire again.
I didn't write this. It was one of the two poems Diane read to me on the night she proposed. But, apart from the fact that her eyes are like molten pools of chocolate, rather than blue, it describes it perfectly. I'll never forget that kiss, nor the hours we spent just kissing after that.
In that moment everything just fell into place and I remember thinking just one thing: "oh!"
The first time I kissed my best friend
fireworks went off.
Really. I heard them.
Years of pent up repressions
plus weeks of mounting tension
let loose in one firecracker moment.
In my mind grew the image
of my head blowing off.
Our lips forced together
by some magnetic pull,
one set of curved flesh toward the other,
the force of two struggling hearts
below those lips, little bird hearts
beating quickly, quickly,
wanting to explode.
The kiss was soft and knowing.
Our lips knew where to go.
The kiss was hard and had a punch.
The punch of forbidden fruit.
That, if-you-do-you'll-go-to-hell-
but-if-you-don't-you'll-die-
so-what's-the-difference
kind of punch.
Right in the mouth.
When we were able to pull our faces
away from each other,
to look at what we had done,
the fire was unbearable.
The fire in her blue eyes,
the fire on her cheeks;
the air, and our breath
fanned the flames on our faces
and caught fire again.
I didn't write this. It was one of the two poems Diane read to me on the night she proposed. But, apart from the fact that her eyes are like molten pools of chocolate, rather than blue, it describes it perfectly. I'll never forget that kiss, nor the hours we spent just kissing after that.
In that moment everything just fell into place and I remember thinking just one thing: "oh!"
New beginnings
I first started blogging in 2002, shortly before my first graduation. I've started and abandoned various other blogs since then, but mostly I've stuck to the original: april-showers.livejournal.com.
I'm not a political blogger, I'm more of a journaller. It began as a way to make sense of my feelings, a way to understand myself better and a way to record life. In between times, I've done pointless memes to fill time, I've linked and unlinked it to my twitter account and I've written the odd piece about burning issues* that have bugged me.
I haven't written in the april showers blog for a long time now. I've stared a lot at the dialogue box willing inspiration to come, but it hasn't and so those of my friends who stayed in touch with me via my blog are woefully underinformed about my life. Strange for an aspiring writer, but then... well, I'm more of a fiction writer, so maybe it's not that strange.
My life does have a narrative though, and I kind of want to start chronicling it again in a different way, a more developed writing style and a more diverse blogging style, perhaps including some of the work for my creative writing course, if I ever manage to get back into it. Either way, it doesn't feel right to use the old blog, and I'm not such a fan of livejournal anyway. I've tried dreamwidth and wordpress but... I don't know. It doesn't fit. So let's try blogger. Let's try blogging. Again.
*I think issues should always be typed in itallics; it adds just the right amount of emphasis.
I'm not a political blogger, I'm more of a journaller. It began as a way to make sense of my feelings, a way to understand myself better and a way to record life. In between times, I've done pointless memes to fill time, I've linked and unlinked it to my twitter account and I've written the odd piece about burning issues* that have bugged me.
I haven't written in the april showers blog for a long time now. I've stared a lot at the dialogue box willing inspiration to come, but it hasn't and so those of my friends who stayed in touch with me via my blog are woefully underinformed about my life. Strange for an aspiring writer, but then... well, I'm more of a fiction writer, so maybe it's not that strange.
My life does have a narrative though, and I kind of want to start chronicling it again in a different way, a more developed writing style and a more diverse blogging style, perhaps including some of the work for my creative writing course, if I ever manage to get back into it. Either way, it doesn't feel right to use the old blog, and I'm not such a fan of livejournal anyway. I've tried dreamwidth and wordpress but... I don't know. It doesn't fit. So let's try blogger. Let's try blogging. Again.
*I think issues should always be typed in itallics; it adds just the right amount of emphasis.
This is me (on the right) and my beautiful fiancee. On the photo we're in the Animal Kingdom at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida. A year after this was taken we went back to WDW and she asked me to marry her. I said yes. I'm in the middle of writing and editing the proposal story, and when it's done, I'll post it here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)